ORDER THESE BOOKS BY WILLIAM
THE LEGEND OF ZIPPY CHIPPY
Bill's latest effort that has taken North America by storm.
Told with Laugh-out-loud wit and a lot of heart, The Legend of Zippy Chippy is the story of the craziest thoroughbred in racing history. A lovable loser who became the very best in the business of stealing people's hearts.
NEVER HITCHHIKE ON THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED
When William Thomas headed out on the highway with his thumb out, he was looking for adventure. He hadn't planned on the hash cookies, the fire in the rental car or the rattlesnakes under the rocks where his golf ball went. He hates rattlesnakes. And he sure didn't plan on getting thrown out of a Cuban cemetery. This is his story of a road rarely taken – and with good reason! From the best-selling author of The Dog Rules (Damn Near Everything!) comes a hilarious and sometimes helpful guide to seeing the world from the other side of the road.
For the veteran backpacker or the armchair traveller William Thomas' Never Hitchhike On The Road Less Travelled will show you the world from a brand new perspective and on your next vacation, don't leave home without it! Reading Never Hitchhike you'll understand why this guy wasn't allowed to carry sharp objects even before 9/11.
MALCOLM AND ME (LIFE IN THE LITTERBOX)
At first, William Thomas never much cared for cats. Then a buck-toothed bagof bones named Malcolm swaggered up the driveway and into his life and the writer had a revelation of religious proportions: first impressions are always right!
This is the story of them setting up house together – a touching tale of a single, highly intelligent master of his own universe who created the system and laid down the rules for peaceful coexistence. Adds the writer: "Oh sure, I broke a few of his rules, but he could never prove anything."
At dawn, Malcolm would stalk Sunset Bay, terrorizing two square miles of semi-wilderness like a raging Bengal tiger. By 10:30 he'd have to come in the house to take a leak. It was never easy being King Of The Jungle with weak kidneys.
Now in its fourth printing, Malcolm And Me was William's first national bestselling book.
THE DOG RULES (DAMN NEAR EVERYTHING!)
“This is absolutely, without a doubt, the most hysterically funny book I've ever read. The only time I put it down was to wipe tears of laughter from my eyes.” Betty Rogers in Book Review.
In the year it was published, The Dog Rules hit Number One in every major bestseller list in Canada – The Star, The Globe, McLean's – and set a record at The National Post of 49 straight weeks.
This is not a book for people who like dogs. This is the Bible for people who love their dogs more than certain members of their family.
Think of it as ‘Tough Love For Mutts.' Obey the house rules or else.
Example: The dog never goes on the bed; it's unhygienic.
Okay, the dog can go on the bed as long as he's on his blanket.
The dog never sleeps beside you like another human being; that's creepy.
Okay, the dog can sleep beside you but not under the covers.
Okay, the dog can sleep beside you, under the covers, but he's not to put his head on the pillow.
And on, and on it goes …
MARGARET AND ME
Can a 91-year-old woman and her middle-aged son live together in harmony?
Here are the true-life adventures of Margaret and her loving but sardonic son, stories laced with laughter and filled with enduring affection.
"This started out to be just a funny book about my 80 something Irish mother who liked to drink a wee bit. In fact the original title was All Humour Needs A Victim And Your Mother Should Come First!" (But even at her age, she could still get a lawyer, so I changed the title.)
Then real life broke into the book with the nursing home, mild dementia, then Alzheimer's. It's now a very funny, very touching, very relevant self-help guide for people dealing with aging loved ones.
Said the Toronto Star in their full page rave review: "The book is a collection of anecdotes, lists and humourous columns on aging ... and families, but more than that, it's funny, irreverent, ultimately compassionate - and it's got some edge."
GUYS: SETTING OFF THE JERK DETECTOR?
Five thousand curlers bought this book making it a national bestseller. And then they burned their copies.
“My point in writing this book was to take the violence, the fighting and the head-hits out of hockey … and put them in curling, a game that could really use some action.
Seriously, this is a book of 34 hilarious short stories of which seven deal with Canada's national pastime, “hand-to-hand shuffleboard played in a meat locker.”
The essays on strange male behavior range from a travel section – Four Countries And A City I Can never Go Back To to a kind of coming out party for real men – Guys: Setting off The Jerk Detector.
GUYS: NOT REAL BRIGHT AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!
Fifty-four of the best ‘worst men stories ever,' one of Canada's funniest and politically incorrect writers shares his collection of bad and bizarre behavior.
This is a left-handed, knockdown, drag'em-out tribute to guys and their ability to rescue failure from the jaws of certain success.
Says the author: “I wanted to title this book Men – We Have The Right To Remain Stupid but my mother Margaret said, Bobby (she's ninety years old, eh?) don't be so hard on yourself.”
Guys – Not Real right And Damn Proud of It. And to think he hadn't even met your husband when he came up with the title for this book.
THE TRUE STORY OF WAINFLEET WITH LIES BY WILLIAM THOMAS
Informative, historical and highly humorous this rant and rave on rural living manages to chronicle the life of this charming but confused place we call Wainfleet. Ask any reader of William's regular observations on this hamlet on the Feeder Canal; this is laugh out loud stuff.
“You know you're from Wainfleet if you have two children and their names are John and Deere.”
History, culture with a harvesting of humour, this might be the most ‘passed around book' he's written.
“You know you're a “Fleeter' if instead of screaming Yes! Yes! at that critical moment of intimacy with your spouse you yell out Okey Dokey!”
This book is now available from Kindle as an ebook.