Things are hummin' right along in Wainfleet at this time of year.

We have new street names and new house numbers and now nobody can find anything out this way. I was stopped on my walk by a woman who'd spent a half hour looking for the old Neff Road which is now the only Neff Road because the name of the newer Neff Road has been changed to Ellesworth Road South. And she was our bylaw enforcement officer. She works for the township of Wainfleet!

The RCMP helicopter will soon be spotted overhead, marking farm field marijuana grow-ops for the annual burn. If they work on Sundays and the wind is right, everybody at the Brethren In Christ Church on Highway #3 might get stoned.

Dana, the fruit lady, is closing up her roadside stand, claiming this will be her last year. She's been saying that for six years.

Glenn Parsons, the hardest working guy in Wainfleet, is closing up cottages and insulating water pipes as fast as he can. Glenn would be a lot busier if he returned phone calls. You want to reach Glenn, stand by the road, stay alert, and wear a whistle around your neck.

Everybody misses Larry Speck, the friendly and tireless keeper of the Oakwood Cemetery. I always thought Larry would be the last guy to let me down and it turns out he did, by retiring. Larry kept the cemetery looking like an English garden.

That's how you know you're a Fleeter. The place where you're buried is better landscaped than the place where you live. Other tell-tale signs .

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you voted the guy with the Funky Fresh Cut Fries Chip Wagon 'Downtown Business Man of the Year.'

. You know you're from Wainfleet if your proposal of marriage to your current wife involved spray paint and an overpass.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if your contribution to culture is partying with the Mexican farm labourers during their "Sinkhole de Mayo" festival.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you keep stepping in the souvenirs left by Horseplay Niagara Trail Riders.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if due to a scheduling mix-up at Smithville's PoultryFest your first prize winning bantam rooster, Jed, came home as chicken fricassee.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if the birds and the bees talk you gave to your children involved a sock puppet and a turkey baster.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you showed up at the headquarters of The 700 Club hoping to see Taylor Swift.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you've ever walked to the Large Animal Auction with a riding crop and a saddle on your back.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you ever slipped a bottle of Bourbon into a casket.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you've ever mounted a zoom lens on your DVD player, lined it up with the fridge on the porch and called it your Drive-In Theatre.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if instead of dining out these days, you "burger up and beer down."

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you followed that Tim Hortons shop all the way to Stromness before you realized it was a renovation portable going to Dunnville.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if after your survival talk to the 4H group you gave each of the children a siphon hose and a door lock jimmy.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you've ever got a tattoo paid for on the "half down/half when you stop bleeding" plan.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if your dog is hooked up to the same chain as your wallet.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you've ever gone to a barber shop just to get an estimate.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if 40% of all your knick-knacks came from Graceland.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you own a lamb that tested positive for performance enhancing drugs at the Fourth Annual Barnyard Olympics.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if your wife forces you to abide by the rule - "No camouflage clothing before Labour Day."

. You know you're from Wainfleet if 'Pimp My Ride,' your new car customizing business, is attracting the wrong kind of cliental.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if your outdoor dining area includes a large cable spool and four stumps.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you've ever used fireworks to see if your smoke detector is working.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you've ever given your wife an anniversary gift certificate at Minor Brothers Seed and Feed.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if an unfortunate misspelling on your poultry truck has people pointing and calling you 'The Foul Guy.'

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you believe your oldest son got the nickname "Drag Queen" from hanging around Humberstone Speedway.

. You know you're from Wainfleet if you really were born in a barn but you're still surprised by all the people who ask.

And finally, you know you're from Wainfleet if instead of screaming "Yes! Yes!" at that critical moment of intimacy, you yell out "Okey Dokey!"